Sunday, February 13, 2011

Mama Bean is very possessive of her son's appearance

So, I happen to think Bean looks a lot like me. In the eyes, and the nose, and the mouth, and the hair colour, etc. I'm his mother, so I'm allowed to think this. Go ahead, take a peek at the sidebar, compare our pics, and leave a nice little comment confirming my impressions.

When I say that I'm possessive about his appearance, I mean that I balk a little, internally, when people talk about him looking more like Papa Bean. I'm not saying he has none of PB's features, 'cause of course he does. In fact, in some pictures, Bean's baby pics look exactly like PB's baby pics. And it's super cute! And I'm glad!

I just really really like that he looks like me, that it's pretty obvious.

And, thanks to the blogosphere, I think I've found out why. Did you know there are several sectors of the blogosphere dedicated to adoption? This should not surprise me, and I don't know why, in my long history with the blogosphere, I have not discovered it until now... I suppose because I'm more involved with the parenting blogosphere in general since becoming a parent myself, so perhaps it was inevitable.

Anyway, there are lots of subsectors and corners and niches of the adoption blogosphere, and I could get engrossed in any one of them, so naturally I'm just reading it all right now lol. There are three fundamental subcategories of blogs, relating to the three fundamental members of what's called the adoption triad: those by adoptive parents (usually mothers), those by first mothers (haven't seen one by a first father, yet) and those by adult adoptees.

A post by one of the latter (I wish I could remember where, to link to it...) spoke of her own experience giving birth to her son, and how she marveled in that instant that she was looking, for the first time, at someone genetically related to her. Something she had simply never done before.

And I realized, hey, me too! I'd never seen someone who shared genes with me before. Someone who shares things like appearance with me... by design.

So, I think this is why I feel maybe a little extra proud when people say how cute Bean is. And it's maybe why I get a little possessive of how much he looks like me. We belong to each other in this way that is just a given for non-adopted parents, but is unique and special to me. And my heart celebrates that.


  1. *smiles*

    (Semantics question: what is behind the preference for the term "first mother" over "biological mother"? Just curious.)

  2. Hello. I came over from Epic Saturday Linkage. He is adorable and does look like you. Welcome to the adoption blog-o-sphere.