Sunday, February 28, 2010

Mama Bean ate a milkshake

I slipped up a couple times this week. I got halfway through the McDonald's milkshake before realizing it was a drink-that-wasn't-water. Papa Bean assured me it was more like eating ice cream, but still, it was something taken by straw. And the only thing I am to take by straw is water. But it was tasty. Repentently so. I also unwittingly hopped on a friend's computer during our scrapbooking evening to look at funny videos and mls properties. And then the next evening, I used the 'puter to manage pictures, because that's part of scrapbooking also, the pictures. I kind of think these are okay, because the whole point of the fast was to limit pointless computer use, and both of these occasions had purpose - adding to a social setting, and working on a new hobby.

I have definitely noticed the impact of deprivation, though. For one, my workout program is completely derailed. The best time for me to workout most weekdays is the morning, while Bean sleeps or after his second feeding. But now those morning hours are precious internet time, especially Tuesday and Thursday, when my internetting effectively ends at 1:30 when I leave for work, because I get home after 8:00 pm. This is just one example of how computer use keeps me from doing the things that are good for me. And the silly thing is, as I've now realized, my "essential" internet activities don't actually take much time. I am able to check daily the sites I consider a daily read, and then some. I probably have time for the morning workouts, but compulsively displace it, until there's no time left.

I've also starting linking to pages on facebook much more often. I've always loved the linkshare function, but I'm positively abusing it now. I joked on Friday that it's because I'm afraid I won't come across anything else worthwhile before time is up, but of course that's nonsense. I think I'm trying to justify my internet use, trying to prove that I find and interact with fun and worthy things and people.

My love language is gifts - giving and receiving. I am a materially oriented girl (thanks, Madons). Showing off my web treasures is kind of like showing off my books on the shelf; I'm creating a virtual eLibrary. And I can give it away so easily, because that is the nature of the web. It's what makes community so easy. This fast makes me more aware of my place in that community, how important it is to me, what my role is. I miss the constant interaction with social sites the most - facebook in particular. I feel like, by missing status updates and pictures posts, I'm missing out on friends' lives. Anyway, I know I can make it through the rest of Lent, and probably discover more things about myself. For one thing, none of this has impacted my television use, yet.

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